Intensity

Screw introductions.

One word my girl keeps coming back to is "intense" when describing our relationship. We aren't love-sick teens, but we both have strong feelings, in general and about each other. She isn't wrong to use that word, but she seems afraid.

She says she isn't used to being this vulnerable with anyone, and apart from that breaking my heart, it really tells me I need to bring my A game. She isn't made of glass, far from it. She is one of the strongest people I know. But when someone strong hands you their heart, it's time to pay attention.

I'm comfortable with the intense. When my girl opens up more in front of me, I devour it whole and want more. I want her to admit the dark and weird thoughts she has, and help her through so she comes out stronger on the other side. I think this is a big part of why she chose me to be her Mummy. I would hope so, at least. I want to be a safe person, and encourage that in those around me.

Emotional intensity isn't scary for me. It's what I need for a satisfying relationship. My vanilla partner and I both realised we had romantic feelings for each other when we did a flesh hook pull off each other. What is scary is putting myself in this leadership position with someone. It's intimidating to tell someone a twisted scenario you want to put them through, and they smile and nod. When I have the paddle in my hand, and look at her red ass, I get scared I'm going to break her. Or worse: break her trust.

Despite her fear, despite my fear, we're moving forward. I'm insanely proud of her, and excited for the future. All I can do is hold my hand out for my girl, and hope she continues to take the next step with me.