Exposure

Vulnerability is vital in BDSM relationships.

One reason I enjoy the intensity of BDSM is because, at my core, I'm extremely selective on who I let in. I spend a lot of time inside my own head, and I don't want anyone to disturb the peace inside. Anyone who I do let in usually knows to respect my space.

You could call it boundaries, but I think of it as compartmentalization in a lot of ways. One common trait shared by a lot of INFP people is customising your personality to the person you're with at the moment, and I do it. For me, it comes out in the form of pretty much not talking about certain things with certain people, or giving extremely surface answers to questions. Sometimes it's a painful process (for instance, I can't talk to my mother about poly stuff) but it's also one I've found necessary for me to survive in the world.

Letting people in is almost always a conscious choice for me, and it always takes time. Despite that, I must broadcast an aura of safety or understanding, because I find people open up to me very quickly. Miri has said I offer her a safe place to express her wants, which is why she's opening up to me so fast and so vastly.

I used to think letting people in and sharing myself was a painful process, but eventually I realised the problem was who I was letting in. I want to demonstrate this to my girl, and keep my promise of being a safe place for her to be herself. I worried that entering this dynamic would mean a change in my vulnerability with Miri. I was wrong to worry, because even though it has changed it means I'm even more vulnerable than before. Our relationship would be non-functional if she was the only one who expressed her true feelings. I have every reason to continue being an open book for her, if nothing else to show her that it's not that scary or painful. It actually feels great. There's also the part of me that selfishly wants her to open up so I can explore her entirely. In due time...

My girl needs to be open with me, so I know how to guide her. She's not doing this for me, she's doing it with me.